Bare no malice…and be free forever

A few weeks ago, I posted this quote from Najwa Zebian on Instagram and Facebook

“Never wish them pain, that’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing, that’s what they need”

Although I really liked it, I posted it with some trepidation. I can remember many years of being thoroughly miserable; struggling with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and disordered eating. I desperately wanted to feel peaceful and happy but had no idea how to achieve it and, after trying and failing with a great many methods, seriously doubted if it were even possible. Let me tell you, if one more sanctimonious bloody do-gooder had told me to simply ‘choose happiness’ or ‘let it go’ I might possibly have wanted to punch them on the nose!

Yet here I am!

I admit I’ve now added to the growing number of well-intentioned, but possibly very irritating, philanthropists who very much want to share the wisdom, joy and peace they have found. My life, now, is amazing and whilst I’d love everyone to feel as happy as I am, I can only ever tell you my truth and understand and respect that your perspective may be different to mine.

Hopefully, because you are reading this, you are open to the possibly that there is a happier and more gentle way to live. I have decided that, whilst everybody is not ready to hear what I have to say, I am prepared to run the gauntlet of some scepticism so as to reach someone whose life may be transformed by my experiences.

Sooo…..is it really an option to send love and healing to those who have hurt us and ours? Surely they shouldn’t be able to ‘get away with it’ and ‘deserve punishment’? I’m wondering how that’s working out for you? I know that when I spent much of my time resentful, offended or hurt by people and indignantly convinced they needed to be shown the error of their ways and be made to atone, the judgement I felt toward them burned me up. You might like to read Why resentment is your new best friend for much more about this. Whilst the supposed perpetrators of my disquiet were merrily getting on with their lives, it was I, the aggrieved party, who suffered; who couldn’t move on. I who put my happiness and freedom on hold until such time that there was justice. I see utterly clearly now ,that it was me who was causing my unhappiness. I was completely impotent in wishing those who had wronged me, ill will, yet held myself in that place of pain and insecurity for tens of years. See Everyone won’t love you; love them anyway and Do you want to be right or happy?

Relax….karma will take care of your enemies

How I dislike this idea. It was presumably thought up by someone who couldn’t let go but knew they should! It’s a passive aggression I want no part of. I don’t want a kind of halfway house to letting go, a diluted compassion. I don’t want to trust or hope that people who I’ve judged lacking in some way are ‘taken care of’ by powers greater than me. Firstly, who on earth do I think I am to lie in judgement? Secondly I truly wish no one harm. Thirdly, anyone else’s life is absolutely none of my business.

Wipe your feet as you leave….I’m no doormat

One of the most common misconceptions people hold about what I believe is that I’m expecting them to ‘put up and shut up’. I am not. Rather I feel that reacting to people or situations from a place of fear and defensiveness is never wise. I have learned that, if we don’t attach or give energy to any thought that makes us feel uncomfortable, they will naturally dissolve and our innate feeling of clarity and peace will return very quickly. We will recognise that our equilibrium has returned by our feelings of groundedness; we will feel that we have a lot of options open to us and that we have time to make decisions or take action. This is in stark contrast to the feelings of panic we experience when we’re not peaceful and grounded; the notion of being trapped with no options and an urgency to make what seems a desperately important decision. Once I discovered that I could always know whether to trust my thoughts depended on if I was coming from a fearful or loving place, my life changed for the better….forever.

I blissfully, instinctively know what to do in situations that latterly, I would have had no clue. I remain calm and rational where once I would have been a sobbing and shrieking mess. I know when it is right to give the benefit of the doubt to my work, friend, partner, daughter or anyone or thing else or to vote with my feet and temporarily or permanently leave the situation. Knee jerk reactions and turning molehills into mountains are thankfully a thing of the far distant past for me. I no longer inflame arguments, however ‘real’ the stories I’m telling myself seem or how defensive I feel.

Never a days goes by when I am not grateful; I do not take my calmness for granted and am tremendously humbled that I have come so far as to be reaching out to you with the firm knowledge that I can show you how to transform your life as irrevocably and as beautifully as I changed mine. I’ll leave you with these lovely quotes:

“Peace is not about being in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work, it’s about being in the midst of those things and still being calm in your heart”

“Even in the midst of life’s many storms, we have the capacity to stand in the centre of our own peace”

Next time I'm going to be writing about how thinking we know something doesn't mean we know it! Until then, have an amazing time and be sure to comment or contact me if you have any questions or input.

Love Catherine x

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