If you want something new, you need to do something new

Is your life completely hunky-dory? Or maybe you feel ‘stuck’ in one or more areas? It’s really interesting that lots of people complain that things never seem to work out right for them and feel surprised about that, even though they’re not actually changing anything they do. Their rows take the same pattern, their relationships end in the same way, they date people with the same attributes and, worst of all, they consistently have a poor experience of life. Yet they doggedly continue on hoping for everything around them to improve.

Einstein is accredited with saying:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

By this reasoning, most of us must be insane! A similar quote from Henry Ford, often used in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming is:

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

People don’t get this ‘wrong’ on purpose, they simply don’t realise that they can do anything about it; I know I certainly didn’t. At some point, though, we realise that we’re neither happy nor fulfilled and that whatever we’re doing isn’t working out too well for us; that we’ve lost connection to our joy, to our peace, to fun and freedom. We see that, somehow or other, we need to take control of our lives; to stop being enslaved by our feelings. This is often the point when people come to me and other coaches like me, for help. I always love it when people ask how they can find the inner peace, wisdom and clarity that I have because I know they’re about to have their lives turned around, as irreversibly and beautifully as mine was. I’ll always remember and be grateful for the day my life changed; you might like to read about it in New day, new life; isn’t it time you had a good day, every day?

I can’t change you

If you’ve read a few of my posts, you’ll know that we can never, ever change any one or anything outside us. It might look like we affect people with our actions but it is only because they were ready to change and make that change themselves. The only thing that we have any control over is ourselves…and actually not all of ourselves! We can decide, however, to react in any way we wish to any stimulus.

This may well mean that you’ll have to learn to respond in a different way than you are used to but, I promise, it will be sooo well worth it.

Some days are good….and some aren’t

Have you noticed that there are days when everything goes well and nothing phases you, and other days when you have a very short fuse and every little thing winds you up? On those good days, you feel fabulous and know you’re going in exactly the right direction, that you’re in the flow; you’re at peace with your world. On the not so good days, you feel uncomfortable and fidgety, not feeling at one with anything; your life feels anything but smooth. You can feel completely differently about the same person or situation, depending on your mood. From these differences, you can learn two things.

The enormous variation in your feelings toward the same people or events, proves that your feelings are not reality, but perception.

The comfortable, easy, happy feelings, the ones that feel wonderful, are your default, your factory setting, if you like.

At the time, every one of your feelings seems absolutely real and you completely buy into them. You could be completely sure that your best friend is the most amazing person on the planet; funny, quirky and devoted; at another time, they could be irritating, boring and needy. You see the inconsistency? Your BFF didn’t change, your mood did. This can make it very difficult to trust yourself.

The awesome news is that, actually, noticing how you feel, gives you a fail-safe way of knowing exactly when to trust your thoughts. When you feel peaceful, grounded and clear-headed, it shows that your quality of thinking is good and that you can trust your decisions. In this loving place, you will observe that you have time to decide on or do anything and you have an array of options to choose from. When you lose connection to your wisdom, peace and happiness, you know that your thinking is poor quality; everything seems urgent are your options extremely limited and unpleasant. In this fearful place, you cannot rely on your decisions and are better delaying them till your innate peaceful thoughts naturally return.

You are what you think

Whatever your thinking is and whether or not you are aware of those thoughts, you only and always live in the feeling of it. When you think sad thoughts, you feel sad, when you think excited thoughts you feel excited and so forth. You cannot change or eradicate your thoughts and you don’t need to pinpoint the particular thought that led to any feeling. Just being aware of thought’s role, allows you a power over what you do and say; a power over your reactions. Just understanding that your feelings are purely a reflection of your thinking in that moment and in no way, to be relied upon as fact, frees you not to exhaust yourself acting upon them.

Realising I didn’t have to believe and attach to my thoughts, let alone analyse or do anything about them, was huge for me; without my overthinking, I immediately became not only happier but more efficient. It was like having more hours in my day. Overthinking. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! goes into this in more detail.

My life is truly wonderful now, but I do feel a bit of a cheat; I didn’t actually need to change anything at all…except my understanding about how thought works.

Next week I’ll be talking about love. Until then, have a peaceful and happy life and let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Love Catherine x

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