New day, new life; isn’t it time you had a good day, every day?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you knew, for sure, you were going to have a good day, every day?

We are often told that there has never been a better time to start having good days than today. Yet how many of us don’t? How many of us think it isn’t possible? How many of us are scared to change from ‘the devil we know’? We get so lost in our bad days that we don’t have the brain space to even dare believe that there can be another way; that we can start having a better experience of life.

I hear you. That was me too. It was hell. I felt I was ricocheting from one problem to another with no breathing time in between. Most days weren’t brilliant but a few were, and that kept me going. Just a handful of good days was what everyone had, right? Surely, modern life was too complicated for it to work any other way. Any one who claimed to be laid back and allow ‘daily stuff’ to slide off them like water off a duck’s back were clearly delusional or making it up for some reason. Despite all that, I considered myself to be a positive and happy person…on my good days. Sound familiar?

I didn’t know there was any other way to be, maybe you don’t either. I was upset, hurt or resentful a lot of the time; I put it down to being sensitive. I never knew when my ‘sensitive nature’ was going to kick in but I knew, from experience, that, when it struck, I wasn’t going to be able to control it. It got so bad that I started dreading special days..birthdays, holidays, weekends away and so forth because I knew I could easily ruin them; I had ruined so many. 

Then, one day, one amazing day, I had an insight, that I had a choice, that I didn’t have to be a slave to my emotions, that nothing could hurt me any more…and if that could happen to me, it can happen to you too.

You too can be free

Now that I have learned the simple way to be, I am at least okay every day and usually truly happy…I want to help other people to do that too; to put an end to their needless suffering. 

It took me a little while to really believe I was changing but then I started having some great days when nothing could get to me, nothing could wind me up. I thought I’d really got it sussed and then I’d have a bad day and I’d start to doubt again. What I soon noticed, though, was that I started to have more and more days when my experience of life was happy and far fewer of the days that I should have stayed in bed, for my and my family’s sake! Bit by bit, I found that I really could have a good day, every day. Please do not, for a second, think I’m telling you that my life became perfect or that yours will. People get ill, accidents happen; it’s part of life, but when you’re having a day when things aren’t going your way, you can still be okay. You can react differently to people and situations; you can be strong, peaceful and resilient.

I started sharing what I’d discovered with coaching clients and they too reported having more control over their lives and less time feeling angry, jealous, hurt, offended, resentful or any other emotion that they’d believed they had had no control over.

You are still reading this blog so are interested in improving you life…and I’ve preambled enough. So how can I help you?

You don’t need to believe the stories you tell yourself

What I suddenly saw on that day that changed my life forever, was that I didn’t need to believe all the stories I told myself. Let me explain. Remember back to a day when your job seemed particularly trying; a one step forward, two steps backward kind of day. A day when you were getting nowhere fast, a day when nothing you did turned out right. I imagine you may have told yourself that you felt like getting up from your chair, telling your boss where to go, walking out into the sunshine, and never going back. I guess most of you ignored this story and got on with your work. This shows that we know how to ignore stories, know that it isn’t always sensible to go along with them….yet there are lots more stories that we do go along with, that we do believe, that somehow seem different, more real, more true.

I don’t know the actual stories you tell yourself because you are unique so I’ll use a couple of common ones as examples.

Story 1 – You’re not promotion material. You believe that you’re not as efficient as your colleagues and that you will not get and do not deserve a better job.

You judge yourself against other people at work and come out lacking. You know yourself well, warts and all. You are aware of all your vulnerabilities, your insecurities and weaknesses. You see your colleagues as smart and intelligent, organised and unflappable.

I wonder if you’ve ever considered that they experienced themselves when they staggered out of bed after a poor night’s sleep and into clothes they feared weren’t smart enough to I mpress their boss. They’d snoozed their alarm four times so had to forego their shower and breakfast. Once at work, they struggle to keep their mind on their job because too many ‘inadequacy’ stories are whizzing round their heads. Then they see you, a pool of calm, of competency and efficiency. They judge themselves against you and come out lacking.

Story 2 – You’re doing a useless job of parenting. You feel you’re not on the same wavelength as your children and often find yourself nagging them because they don’t do as they’re told.

You see your offspring as aliens that you don’t understand; they don’t respect your wishes and you have no control over them.

It hurts you to the quick when they are rude to you and you’re aware that you bounce between letting them have their own way because you haven’t got the energy to fight, and disciplining them harshly.

It’s easy to forget that these little people are your beautiful family, are the babies you brought into the world, that they are the not the enemy. You forget how perfect they are, how they depend on you completely and that all they want is to feel secure in your love.

If you allow yourself to remember how much you love them and show them only kindness rather than jumping down their throats all the time, you will very soon find that their behaviour begins to change for the better. Your relationship will flourish as you reconnect.

I am not suggesting you let them ‘get away’ with unsociable actions or constantly ‘get their own way’. Rather that from a calm and loving place, where you will find yourself more and more often, you will know the best way to react in any moment.

Today is a new day, today you can start your new life. Isn’t it time you had a good day, everyday? I’d love to know how you get on.

Next week I’m going to explore the way us humans tend to overthink everything….analyse every little detail…drive ourselves crazy thinking so much that we can’t make a descision.

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