I don’t care what they think of me!

I recently saw this post on Instagram:

“When you truly don’t care what the f**k anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom”

At first, I loved the idea of freedom, I loved the idea of awesome and I even loved the idea of a little danger but when I thought about it more carefully, I found that it didn’t sit right with me. At all.

It feels uncomfortable for me to be uncaring; I don’t know about you, but I felt that the author of this message had vastly overshot the mark, pendulumed to as extreme and unhealthy a place as needing to be validated by another person.

I completely agree that it isn’t healthy to become a doormat, to trust others’ opinions over your own or to doubt your decisions, preferring to defer to someone else. I also agree that it is healthier to have a high enough self esteem so as to not be hurt or in any way affected by others opinions of comments.

A step too far

Not caring about others’ feelings though, to me, is going too far. I care about peoples’ feelings because it doesn’t make sense for me, not to. There are far more similarities between us than there are differences so, at least on that level, we are kindred spirits, we are all one. It is not that I need others’ approval to feel good about myself, rather that I am compassionate enough to wish my soul brothers and sisters well, to offer love. If the word ‘love’ doesn’t feel right, you might like to read my feelings on it in last week’s blog post Everyone won’t love you; love them anyway.

I read it, it must be true

We see memes all the time, telling us we should feel a certain way, act a certain way, live a certain way; because there are such wonderful social media visual apps nowadays, it means that the messages that inundate us each time we go on Facebook, Instagram and so forth, look very professional. This slickness leads us to assume that the creators are an accomplished authority and should, therefore be believed. In actual fact, anyone can make a businesslike meme; even I can do it!

It was massive for me when I realised that I had a choice what to believe in. Before then, I had spent my life, as most people do, usually believing what people told me and nearly always believing my own thoughts. So for instance, if I didn’t think a person was very nice, that became my reality in that moment. The really weird thing is that I was able to love somebody one day and hate them the next and believe my thoughts on both those days. I can remember, before I found the understanding that I now live my life by, there were days when I loved my husband to bits, and there were days when I wanted to get a divorce. On the ‘good’ days, everything he did was super romantic and generous and all his little eccentricities were cute and made him even more loveable. On the ‘bad’ days I knew that we were completely incompatible and that I had somehow deluded myself or been duped by him into thinking he wasn’t the most thoughtless, unkind and un-empathic man on earth.

He was always the same man whether the ‘sweetheart’ didn’t have a clue how women’s minds worked or when the cruel, ‘non-caring idiot’ who had the empathy of a slug didn’t deserve me. The difference, of course, was me. On the days when I was grumpy and defensive I planned my exit route from our marriage, wondering how I could ever have loved him. On the days when I was loving and patient, I saw him as my soul mate, as the perfect husband. Thank goodness that, before I’d thrown my wedding ring back at him, once to often, I came to realise that what I knew in peaceful moods was real and I could depend on it and on my decisions in that place. I also saw that when I hated him, the hate was mine and not his; I understood that it was my mood that was to blame, my thoughts in that particular moment. In low moods, clarity, wisdom and peace were simply unavailable. At those times, before I became the master of my thoughts rather than be subservient to them, I tried not only to hold off making any decisions until I naturally grew calmer but also to keep my mouth shut to avoid my need to have the last word causing more suffering.

I realised that I didn’t have to believe my thoughts. It was such an enormous relief when I became able to observe my thoughts and stay calm and unattached. If I could do that, I know you can too. You’ll find more on this in New day, new life; isn’t it time you had a good day, every day?

My truth

I happen to be extremely serious and passionate about helping people gain a better experience of life, helping them connect to their innate wisdom, peace and happiness, but I can only ever share my truth, the way I see it, the way it works for me. That is all anyone else can do too. It is up to you, not to faithfully accept everything you are told, but to decide what resonates with you, what feels agreeable, what fits comfortably into your life.

Not everyone likes to question things, some people find it easier to go with the flow, to not make their own waves; if this is you, that’s fine, if you’re happy then I’m happy for you. But I suspect that most people who are drawn to my posts will enjoy self exploration and growth. I will say here, though, that if analysis becomes too great a habit and you find yourself overthinking rather than simply being, you might like to step back and appreciate the moment, the now, that which we only ever have. You might find it useful to read Overthinking. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

Next week I’ll be talking about your path to peace and happiness. Until then, have a wonderful week and please let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Love, Catherine x

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