The whole truth and nothing but the truth

A friend once told me that there are always at least three versions of the truth; your truth, their truth and the Truth.

My students and clients often hear me say that I can only ever give them my truth and they must only take it, if it resonates with them; my truth might not be right for them or not right for them right now.

We each have our own unique perspectives which we have filtered through our own experiences and beliefs. In So… you love this way of thinking but your loved ones have no interest in it. That’s just fine! and Stop holding yourself back and get on with your life, I talk more about why those beliefs and set of rules are personal to us and that they are all made of thoughts. Cultural norms are another example of our dissimilar ideas; they too are just thoughts that a lot of people share and have begun to be thought of as fact. Morals, judgements, values and ethics are also personal thoughts and no more true than any other thoughts; I’m sure you’ve had a few crazy thoughts, I certainly have, and you recognised them as ‘just thoughts’. It’s interesting that we totally buy into some of our thoughts and not others, isn’t it? In other cultures, morals and beliefs are often completely different from ours, which shows that they are not definitive fact, but entirely subjective. Even in our own culture, there are enormous variations in how we perceive and react to our worlds. We don’t seem to mind if our friends don’t share our taste of foods, clothes or television programs so why should it be a deal breaker if they have different views to us on bigger issues? The following are just a few examples of topics I’ve heard people around me talk about in the past few days :

Politics

Religion

Women’s rights

Sexual orientation

Fox hunting

Public breastfeeding

All of these examples were brought up by my acquaintances and I had differing beliefs in each case…which was the inspiration for this post. I didn’t feel I had to tell them my thoughts on the subjects, as I once would have; it would have been impolite and, in any case, not only do people only hear what they want, or are ready, to hear but their views are none of my business.

I used to think my friends had to agree with all my thoughts or it wasn’t worth continuing our relationship. If people didn’t agree with me, I ‘knew’ they were wrong! Thinking we know something always blocks us from actually knowing it and I’m super happy that I can now listen to people and choose to either learn from them or keep my way of seeing things.

I now understand that thinking that my friends had to think along the same lines as I did, was simply a rule of mine and that the sky would not fall in if my nearest and dearest didn’t share all my reasoning. I hadn’t realised that I could define friendship in any way I liked and I was limiting the number of people with whom I could be close, by being needlessly rigid. It is indeed useful to have certain shared interests and beliefs with a friend but it doesn’t matter at all if you have differences too…it makes friendship more interesting because you can discuss issues and learn different perspectives…maybe even change your own.

The truth is out there…isn’t it?

We primarily ‘inherit’ our ways of thinking from our parents during our formative years and some we later take from other people or write for our selves. You can look at any of your thoughts on any subject and check if that’s how you want it to be. Many of our thoughts are outmoded and no longer serving us well; we either don’t realise that we have the power to change them or are scared of the prospect of change. We cling to ‘the way it is’ very tightly, to our detriment. I think it is utterly wonderful that, as we made up or accepted our thoughts, rules, perspectives, morals etc., we can also change or abandon them any time we like. It’s okay to change our own truths, in the blink of an eye, if we see that there could be a better and healthier way to be; thoughts are always and only, subjective. We can, of course, choose to hold onto any of our rules that we want to. The magic is simply knowing that they aren’t reality.

Freedom

I can’t tell you the immense relief I felt when I discovered I don’t have to believe in or act upon any of my rules or judgements and that they are simply reflecting my thoughts moment to moment. Our thoughts change rapidly…we have up to 70,000 a day…and, as I learned, our feelings change along with them; we have a wonderful self-righting system and however we feel, our natural well-being will soon return. Just knowing this, sets us free; it is exhausting attaching to all the very many feelings we have and utterly liberating to let them go.

Remember that all of this is, of course, only my truth and it is up to you if you decide to agree with it or not. Next week I’ll be talking about how love cures everything. Until then, have a truly lovely week and let me know if you have any comments or questions.

Love, Catherine x

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