So…you love this way of thinking but your loved ones have no interest in it. That’s just fine!

A concern some of my new clients have had is:

‘Surely this understanding cannot work for me because my nearest and dearest think it’s all rubbish!’

Unflustered and unoffended by the lack of faith in the way I live and share my life (you may like to read my post Nothing and no one can ever hurt us), I calmly reassure them that it matters not one jot if their friends and family share their ideas on personal growth.

I remember sharing their concern myself in the early days; it seemed like I might be in danger of ‘spiritually outgrowing’ my partner and my friends…and where would that leave me? With no one seeing what I saw…knowing what I knew; even more isolated and lonely. It wasn’t until my understanding deepened a little further, that I realised it didn’t matter at all.

Step away from the fear

The more I was able to view my life from a safe distance where nothing could upset me, the less it mattered if those around me experienced their life like I do mine. I realised that we each can only ever, experience our ‘reality’ from the perspective of our own thoughts; that we always and only live in the feeling of our thinking. I agree with those of you who are rooting for the ‘definitive reality’ camp, that it looks compellingly like the outside world is real and that it affects us, but the truth is, that it does not. We all have a unique background and set of experiences and beliefs and each of sees what we see, through spectacles fashioned by our belief system. One person can look at a large dog with fear and loathing whilst another person can view that very same animal as a cuddly new friend. I’m sure you understand this analogy exactly…and yet we all tend to believe that our loved ones agree with the way we see things….or they’re wrong. Once we understand that everyone views every single little thing differently and the sky hasn’t fallen in on us, it’s only a small step to know that our views on personal, emotional and spiritual expansion, not only do not separate us but add an interesting dimension to all our relationships; it’s exciting to learn how other people tick and be open to maybe learning that some of their beliefs may even serve us better than our own.

I like me just the way I am, thank you very much

Many people cling to outmoded and unhealthy sets of views because it feels too scary to let go of everything we think defines us, in case our world changes. Change can be a very frightening prospect and lots of people prefer to suffer with the ‘devil they know’. Your friends and family may feel that way. Believe me, no matter how hard you try to change them, to want them to experience the joy and clarity that you have found, to badger them into wanting to join with you and become open to the possibility that life can be a wholly wonderful experience, they will only change if and when they are ready. And that’s okay.

It takes two to tango

It is true that it does take two to tango but untrue that this is a good relationship analogy. I know of many extremely happy and dedicated marriages, my own included, where one partner sees that we live only in the feeling of our thinking and one partner is unconvinced. I also know of many parent~child, friend~friend, employee~employer relationships that work equally well despite both people in the relationship thinking very differently about where our feelings come from.

Relationship dynamics

You may well think that if one person in a relationship changes, the new dynamics will topple the balance irrevocably and cause a shift that will be unsustainable. It’s completely okay if you think that, but just know that thinking it doesn’t make it any more real, any truer, any more of a fact. Overthinking. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! explains this in detail. I

It only becomes an issue if you allow it to become one.

Be the peace and love you want to see around you

If you let yourself see difficulties where there are none, difficulties there will be. If you let yourself be drawn in drama, your life will be dramatic. However, if you remain a pool of calm, nothing can spoil that for you. Not only will you feel far more peaceful, you’ll find that others treat you more gently too; it’s nigh on impossible for your opponent to continue any kind of confrontation without your adding fuel to their fire. If you choose not to bite back, the argument will simply fizzle out before it has chance to grow.

I used to argue with my husband and my grown up children, but once I’d learnt how not to be sucked into my or their stories, there are we no longer any rows at all. If you feel frustrated that your partner, colleague, parent or anyone else, hasn’t had the wonderful insights you have, haven’t understood that they don’t have to believe their thoughts, then please look back inside you because it means you’re not quite getting it yet either.

I hope I’ve managed to explain that it doesn’t matter if you are the only person you know who understands that all your feelings come from your thoughts, because you’ll find that the peacefulness you exude will be infectious.

Have a great week and let me know how you get on.

Next week I’ll be talking about how my trip to America deepened my understanding.

Catherine x

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