Regrets…I’ve had a few; but have I?

I’ve had a few conversations recently, about regrets…in most of them, my friends have been unable to believe that I have no regrets and challenged me to explain how this is even possible; that surely, regrets are part of being human. These conversations left me a little perplexed…how could the concept of having no regrets be a tricky one…and how come I had managed to achieve something so ‘difficult’?

Your reality or my reality?

Before handling the weightier issue of having regrets…or not…it is worth noting that people can only ever see things from their reality…from their unique set of memories, experiences and beliefs. When they tell us it isn’t possible to have no regrets (or absolutely anything else) what they mean, is that it isn’t possible for them…or rather, they perceive that it isn’t possible for them.

Je nais regrets rien

Like anything else, how we feel about regrets, is actually our choice. I wouldn’t have believed this a few years ago though, so I totally get it if you’re struggling with it too. Some of you will know that I used to battle anxiety, depression, disordered eating and regular thoughts of ending it all. Had I believed I had a choice, I would most definitely have exercised that choice and made my life (and the lives of my poor family) much easier; but I didn’t believe it…so therefore…it was unavailable to me.

Eventually…I was shown proof, in the guise of my best friend when she rose peacefully and joyfully free after being trapped in an abusive marriage for two decades. So now I knew that escape from the horrors not only of our lives but also of our minds was possible; it still did not, though, appear available to me. So it wasn’t.

That day, that glorious day

Then, one day, I learned that life didn’t need to be a struggle…didn’t need to be unpleasurable much more often than it was pleasurable. …that there really was an option to CHOOSE to be happy…FOR ME!!! It was beautifully easy to be peaceful…to simply and gently let go of anything that wasn’t serving me well. You might like to read about my metamorphosis in New day, new life; isn’t it time you had a good day, everyday?

Weirdly….even in those long dark days before my transformation, when I was in that mess….the one thing I was somehow in control of was whether I had regrets or not. I’m really not sure why. Maybe it was because, though my family wasn’t particularly well-off, they taught me that if I worked hard, I could achieve any and all of my dreams.

If ever there’s ever been something I wanted to do…an ambition or goal, I usually worked for it and achieved it. If I didn’t work hard enough for it, it was because I didn’t want it enough….so there was nothing to regret. During those difficult years…nobody…nobody at all….knew that I was struggling; on the outside, I made sure that I looked happy, fulfilled and successful. Somehow, if no one knew, I could pretend it wasn’t true….and therefore didn’t need addressing. If I was the sort of person who had regrets….one regret I would have had was not having realised earlier that there was a choice!

It’s alright for you!

I can hear some of the more sceptical of you, grumbling that it’s okay for me because I was somehow in the right place at the right time….or knew the right people….or was super-humanly lucky. The truth I’ve learned is that we are actually all much, much more similar than we are different. We can all feel hurt and we all like to be loved, we all try our best with what we have. You and I are siblings; what is available to me is available to all my brothers and sisters.

Believe it and you’re over half way there

Thinking that it was difficult to reconnect with the freedom and love that I’ve now found within me…the freedom and love that was always…always there, waiting patiently for me to reconnect….was illusive….was what blocked me finding it. As soon as I realised how easy it was…that I didn’t need to do anything or look anywhere…there it was! You might enjoy my book, Rediscovering Wisdom, Peace and Happiness; it describes this in detail.

That incredible day, I stepped comfortably into an idyllic world of colour which until then, had been monochrome. Absolutely everything was better…gentler…more beautiful. I saw others…as well as myself in a different..more loving way. I greeted everything and everybody with grace and from a loving place…and I am eternally grateful.

I know for sure that you can do the same….let me help you.

Next time I'm going to be writing about becoming our own best friends and treating our bodies and souls with the love and respect they deserve. Until then, have an amazing time and be sure to comment or contact me if you have any questions or input.

Love Catherine x

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