Keep calm….and watch your life become fabulous

A few days ago, I learned that an extremely important project my daughter has been working on for a long time, had been lost because of hardware corruption. This project had massive implications for her career, her income and, in fact, her life in general; it was a very big deal. When she phoned from her home in London, miles away from me, to tell me the news, she was calm, rational and philosophical; she simply told me the facts and, as she isn’t particularly technical, asked for my advice on services that could maybe save the data, even though several methods had already been tried and failed. Whilst I was able to be calm and supportive on the phone, which would have been impossible for me a few years ago, as soon as she rang off, I felt the severity of the news like a blow. I knew how hard she had been struggling to complete it and how this project was potentially going to turn her, and maybe even the whole family’s lives around. l felt the pain she wasn’t exhibiting herself and desperately wanted to help somehow…but I had even less idea than she where to even start; I felt paralysed into nothingness.

I watched these emotions flow through me; watched my mind get weighed down by the worry; saw how it slowed down my reasoning and made me less efficient and effective at thinking clearly and completing any task, not just this one. I knew that I was capable of choosing not to feel this way but in that moment I couldn’t quite remember how that worked; I’m so close to my children…how could I not feel this so very deeply?

This whole thought process actually only took just a few minutes. As I took a metaphorical step back, I saw how I had allowed myself to get very involved in the ‘panic story’ and I realised that, of course, all I was doing was making myself suffer….and sending out anxious thoughts to boot! I don’t know how you feel about that, but if there is any chance that our thoughts have an effect on the universe or anything else, as I believe they do, for me, it’s not worth the risk. I immediately dropped the worry thoughts…..isn’t it totally amazing I can do that?? The very next feeling I had was guilt! It felt disloyal and uncaring not to feel protective of my poor daughter. Fortunately I caught this uncomfortable feeling straight away, laughed out loud at myself and turned my attention back to the only place I had any power…over how I respond to any stimulus.

Live here, live now

The only way we can ever help others is by mindfully living in our present moment. As soon as we start telling ourselves about the implications for the future, we are of no use to either ourselves or them. Conversely, you will find that it is absolutely impossible to be present and be unhappy, in any way, at the same time. We are only unhappy, angry, jealous, hurt, insecure and what have you, when we look back to the missed opportunities and cringy situations of the past or worry about, what will probably never happen, in the future. When we are fully present, we cannot help but be grounded and it is our groundedness that is exactly what those around us need to keep them calm. In our still and calm state, we can efficiently make any decisions and take any courses of actions without being paralysed or led astray by frantic and desperate emotions. This ability to remain unflappable is magical; I am sooo grateful I learned it and can easily forgive the mere few minutes of ‘humanness’ I experienced because that reminded me how far I have come. 

A born actress

It didn’t hit me until a little later, just how very much my daughter has actually changed. She has always been a complete drama queen and never taken any news lightly; she has always met life with excited pandemonium or sobbing hysteria. There was never any doubt in my mind that she would be an actress. You may have read the last post I wrote about her – I’m afraid it’s curtains for you, when she had already started learning how to control her emotions but still didn’t have full power over them.

Ta-da

Some of you will already know that my husband is amazing, but he has surpassed himself this week. Before we paid for a very expensive recovery service, he had a go himself…..and several hours later we had a set of uncorrupted files, one very happy daughter and one very relieved mother. It was wonderful to see her so happy but almost more lovely to know she would have been okay whatever the outcome; I have never been more proud of her.

This amazing understanding has not only transformed my life but the lives of those around me. It proves to me that, those of us who are lucky enough to realise that we don’t need to believe, let alone act upon, any of our thoughts, don’t have to do anything. People will notice the change in us, see that we no longer get angry or upset, that we see the best in people and situations, that we are kinder, softer and gentler. People see it and want to be part of that, want what we have. Without us doing anything, our world gets better, the world gets better.

Next week I'm going to be trying to clear up any misunderstandings. Until then, have an amazing time and be sure to comment or contact me if you have any questions or input.

Love Catherine x
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