Gratitude

Any time. Every time. All the time. This works.

I strongly believe that being, always trumps doing but until your thoughts are fully retrained, this is another very useful method to use along your journey…until you no longer need methods and can reliably and simply remain unruffled, whatever happens. It has proved extremely popular with all of my clients.

Once you have learned to recognise when you or someone else is becoming ungrounded, you can use this very powerful tool.

Invoke it as soon as you are able, when you see a confrontation starting. The earlier you use it, the better but late is better than never. It gives you time to relax and re-find your equilibrium rather than being pulled into the eye of another destructive storm.

If the other person is open to actively helping improve your relationship, then the two of you can use this technique together. If not, you can do it by yourself. I’ll explain the way it would work for both of you, first.

You will notice I have designed this for people who live together because this is where most conflicts happen. Simply adjust the rules, if this is not the case.

Read the time-out rules together in advance…and maybe keep a written copy where you can both see it.

Time-out rules

Either of you can initiate it, when you become aware an altercation is starting, by simply saying “time-out”.

When time-out is called, you must both stop talking immediately and move into separate rooms.

You can ONLY think kind and loving thoughts about each other. Gently push any other thoughts away.

You must both return to where time-out was called on time.

When you return, you may discuss what happened before the time-out, if you think it is necessary, but you’ll probably feel you no longer need to.

If either of you notice one or both of you becoming ungrounded again, you can reinitiate time-out.

Time-out notes

Before you start using the ‘time-out’ method, decide –

Where you will both go, maybe one of you will stay where you are.

A preset length of time of however long you think you should be apart.

Thirty minutes is usually a good length of time to begin with.

Decide if leaving the premises is allowed. Note this may not be safe if one or both of you tend to be unstable in arguments (like I was).

When you have used it a few times you may both want to decide and agree on changes.

You may also wish to say “stay here, time-out” or something similar. This is very useful when you both like to be in a certain room of the house and know you can be disciplined enough not to talk to, and think only kindly about, each other in their presence.

Watching television or reading may work as a distraction but doesn’t help you find a loving space…for that you need focus.

You will find variations that work best for you.

You won’t need to use this method for long because, very soon, you will be able to notice and nip any conflict in the bud.

If you’re using time-out by yourself

Read the rules and notes in advance and tell the other person, if appropriate, that you have a new method of conflict resolution and that you will leave the room for half an hour when you become aware that one or both of you is ungrounded, and would appreciate privacy until you return. Explain, if possible, that while you are away, you will only think loving thoughts about them so that you can be calm when you get back. You will probably not want to put pressure on them, but you may find that they will decide, of their own accord, to only think nice thoughts about you too.

If it doesn’t feel appropriate to tell them what you’re doing, simply do it by yourself, but understand that they may follow you and try to continue the argument.

Time-out rules

Similar to doing it together:

As soon as you become aware an argument is starting, gently excuse yourself and go to another room, or stay where you are but look within.

You can ONLY think kind and loving thoughts about the other person. Gently push any other thoughts away.

Return to where you were, if you left, when you feel grounded..

When you return, you may discuss what happened before the time-out, if you think it is necessary, but you’ll probably feel you no longer need to…and don’t forget that your partner may not be calm yet.

If either of you become ungrounded again, you can leave the room again.

When you have used it a few times you may decide to make changes, if so, explain this to the other person if you are involving them.

You can adapt this method for use at work or any other situation where you feel yourself becoming heated.

Use the time-out method whenever you can. Please don’t judge yourself if you forget or it doesn’t always work, but notice your overall progress.

If you are in a romantic relationship that’s struggling…this will resonate with you. If not, follow the analogy and see where else it might fit into your life…your relationship with your family, career, spirituality, or anything else.

Where, along the way, were many of the loving feelings between you, replaced by unpleasant ones?

When were the ‘I love yous’ exchanged for ways to hurt one another?

How did acceptance, understanding and pride become criticism, judgement and distrust?

On good days, you know you both love each other and want, certainly in theory, to stay together but there will be bad days, when you doubt that is still possible. You find yourself querying if too much water has flowed under the bridge and if your relationship is even still worth it.

On those bad days you’re not certain if your partner really does still love you…and whether you still love them.

You both feel raw, hurt and resentful.

Enough!

Fortunately, there are good days too when you easily connect to the loving feelings you’ve been missing. When you glimpse the glorious light at the end of the tunnel. When you feel the magic.

These changes of thought…and the resulting fluidity of emotions, is life. It is not for you to worry about, attach to, give extra meaning to; it just is; it is the nature of thought.

For too long you have struggled in your relationship with your partner, with some good, and many bad days.

You have spent too much time feeling worried, guilty, angry or sad.

You have compared yourself and your relationship to others.

And none of it was necessary!

Of course you didn’t know that…but you do now….and it no longer need be this way…

You will, simply and naturally, find security, comfort and peace…and have the wonderfully happy, joyful and intimate relationship you want.

Yours will be a stress free life without anger, pain, or anxiety. You will connect to your wisdom and creativity. You will forever enjoy a limitless sense of goodwill, well-being, gratitude, love and understanding.

You will be so busy, working on and enjoying your own grass, to notice if anyone else’s is greener.

Welcome to the rest of your life.

It’s too late…bad…broken…

It is not!

However serious you consider your problems to be, however desperate or urgent it feels, your life can easily and beautifully be always filled with peace, compassion, appreciation, friendship, empathy, respect, joy, fun and love.

When you see that your feelings…your emotions…are there, simply, to offer you a measure of your thought quality in each moment and nothing more, you have already made a huge step on your journey to life joy.

Could you imagine, for a moment, being at the opticians? A device is placed in front of your eyes, and different lenses are slotted into it to determine which lens gives you the clearest vision.

The lenses appear to change the sharpness and clarity of the images you’re looking at, but, of course, that isn’t the case, is it? The lenses just change how you see things….just like your perspective.

People and situations around you do not change with your ever-changing thoughts, emotions, feelings and moods…they just appear to.

You have simply been believing in a reality that was painted with the colours of your, sometimes, negative emotions.

Another person cannot make you feel anything, because your feelings are coming directly from your own thinking. It is the way you see your situation and other person, that makes you feel in a certain way, never the other person nor their behaviour.

No one is ever to blame for your feelings, and when you truly see this, your life and everything in it, changes forever.

Whatever you experience that appears to come from outside you, is illusionary. It is only and always coming from you, despite all appearances to the contrary. So you can begin to see how your experience of life, therefore, can change in a heartbeat; YOU can change it any time you want.

You are then free to meet the world and everything in it, in the present moment, without the weight of the past. When you meet it from this space, you cannot help but feel the love that exists right now…the love that exists in you..

You can never lose the love and happiness that is within you…it is your natural state…but you can become unaware of it by getting too caught up in your negative and unhealthy emotions and believing in the illusion created by our own thinking. As soon as you remember this reality, you will fall back into the present moment and back into the feeling of love.

The more you do this, the more clearly you see where your experience of life comes from and the

more present you become. The more you slip into feelings of love, happiness and well-being the more they will fill your life.

When you realise that you can always choose how you experience your life….choose to see everything from a place of love…you cannot help but bring out the best in the people around you.

When you deeply see this to be true, you free yourself to experience your whole life in a new way that is more loving and understanding.

To have the life you most want, isn’t hard work, but believing it is, holds you back from achieving it. Your head is full of thoughts and over-thoughts. I would like you to do and think less, not more. I am only giving you methods and tools on this program, to speed up your transformation and so that you won’t need those strategies later.

Being happy is easy…once you quit holding onto all the stuff you create by believing in, and being confused by, your thoughts.

Being happy occurs perfectly naturally as a result of seeing that all your experiences come only from within you. This simple understanding of the nature of thought brings forth the innate wisdom, creativity and psychological health that resides within us all.

As your mind gets calmer and clearer, love is able to flow in, and you see an improvement in your self-confidence, and the acceptance and love you have for yourself and everything and everyone else.

What I teach you will make it impossible just for one part of your life to improve; your relationships become easier and your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health are enhanced as you learn to attune to your inbuilt body-wisdom. You cease to be driven by conditioned ideas of what you think you should be doing, ought to do or have to do, and begin to discover what you are truly capable of.

What you are looking for is already inside you…and always has been. Peace of mind, clarity, wisdom, compassion, happiness and fulfilment are not to be found outside you; they are innate human qualities that emerge by themselves when you are in alignment with your authentic self…with love.

The understanding I share is a straightforward and accessible approach which is free of dogma; it brings hope. Once you allow it in, sustainable change will occur, no matter how difficult things have been.

When you reach your happiness goals, this will awaken within you, creativity and increased resilience; it will unleash hidden potential and bring forth a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in life.

There will then be no requirement to practice any kind of technique, or to believe in anything in order to experience the benefits. Just like gravity or electricity, this understanding will uncover the natural forces that work impartially for everyone; the only variable is your own degree of awareness as to how thought works. The deeper you realise that your thoughts produce your feelings and all experiences, the more you are in the flow of life. It really is that beautifully simple.

This understanding brings forth the psychological health and peace of mind that lies behind every kind of emotional turmoil on the surface. It is revolutionising the field of psychology, as it gently moves the focus away from ‘fixing what is broken’, to showing what is possible when you re-discover the well-being that already exists within you.

Life is not waiting for you…you are life.

Motivational and inspirational quotes can help you along your journey…and noticing as time goes by, that you understand them more and more deeply is completely awesome.

“You’ll get to the point where you’ll wonder why you were ever worried about anything ever”

Abraham Hicks

“What worries you, masters you”

John Locke

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath”

Amit Ray

“The meaning of life is to give meaning to life”

Viktor Frankl

“If I want to be loved as I am, I have to be willing to love others as they are”

Louise Hay

“And I said to my body, softly, ‘I want to be your friend’

It took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this’”

Nayyirah Waheed

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change”

Robert Anthony

“When one thought ends, right before the next thought begins, there is a tiny gap called ‘now’. Over time, we learn to expand that gap”

Spring Washam

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears”

Tony Robbins

“If you love yourself, you love others.

If you hate yourself, you hate others.

In relationships with others, it is only you, mirrored”

Osho

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change”

Albert Einstein

“Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence”

Arabic proverb

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people”

Victor Borge

“Be grateful for whatever comes”

Rumi

“I’ve learned it’s important not to limit yourself. You can do whatever you really love to do, no matter what it is”

Ryan Gosling

“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present”

Marianne Williamson

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it”

J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

“You cannot be both unhappy and fully present in the now”

Eckhart Tolle

“Our prime purpose in life is to help others.

And if we can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them”

Dalai Lama

“If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it.

If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good”

Tibetan saying

“The longer I live,

the more I realise the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past,

than education,

than money,

than circumstances,

than successes,

than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than parents,

giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day,

regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past…

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,

and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…

We are in charge of our attitudes”

Charles R Swindoll

I would go a step further and say 100%