Let The Love In

People very often ask me how they can make people come back to them…

be closer to them…

listen to them…

My answer is always the same (and I’m really sorry to be the one to tell you this)

They can’t.

No one can.

No one can make them do anything.

In the same way, no one can make you do anything.

People only change when they choose to, but people still

Ask…

Plead…

Beg…

Nag…

Maybe bully…

In order to try to change someone.

Not only is all of it a complete and utter waste of time…but it upsets the person doing the asking and tends to make the person they’re trying to change, more stubborn!

Occasionally, to stop the endless barrage of complaints about their behaviour, they decide to change BUT AGAINST THEIR BETTER JUDGEMENT.

In these cases, to a lesser or greater degree, they will regret their decision and feel resentful for being put in these positions.

The ONLY kind and loving way to ‘change’ anyone, is to allow them to feel comfortable and in charge of their own decisions, to provide a safe space for them to bend and yield in their own time.

Be gentle; be the type of person you’d like to be around.

Once you allow this space you must be prepared not to ask further, and not to count on the change you’d like, ever taking place.

List the things you have felt you’d ideally like to change about your boss, friend, colleague, partner or family member.

Can you see the ways you’ve tried to force that change?

Can you see how creating a safe space would be more helpful?

Can you see yet that it doesn’t matter if those changes are made??

Do you find yourself asking :

“When will my partner love me like I want to be loved?”

“Why aren’t my friends ever there for me?”

“When will they put me first?”

Or stating more desperately

“They should see this as I do!” *

I’m sorry but you don’t get to know the answers yet…or get your own way….and thinking you do is holding you back. What you do get to know, is that improving you, is the way to happiness.

Learning and growing is the way to become empowered…the way to loving yourself…the way to the people in your life being reminded of the person they were initially drawn to.

* You will learn a lot more about the word ‘should’ in the next section…but for now…

You can’t change or control anyone but yourself. As frustrating and upsetting as I understand this is; it is true. Understanding this truth, opens the door to freedom.

Wouldn’t you prefer people to stay with you because they want to? Rather than because you’ve bullied or guilt-tripped them into it?

You may feel you need them to have your back, under any circumstances…that your self-esteem is currently still too low to allow people the freedom of choice, lest they should choose to leave you.

Once you are able to loosen your grip…once you dare stop clinging tightly onto them…once you allow them a little space…

…watch them choose to stay…watch them choose you.

Rather than see your relationships as all about you…try to put yourself in other people’s shoes and see what the world looks like through their eyes.

This will open yours!

Now that you’ve been practising seeing through other people’s eyes…how they feel about you and everyone and everything else…

Allow yourself to see your own communications, reactions and responses from a position of observing without judgement.

This is an on-going exercise and you will get better and better with practice.

It’s time…over time…to stop making excuses, right?

Excuses aren’t going to fix your life.

Excuses aren’t going to fix you.

It’s a sad truism that most people will never live to their full potential.

But you are different…you stepped up…you enrolled on this program because you wanted more than life appeared to be offering you. You weren’t prepared to settle, to be an onlooker of your life, to accept the unwanted emotions you’ve been feeling, any longer.

You dared to dream…

You believed that, with my help, you CAN heal and rebuild your life.

You fought for your fairytale!

Some people become victims of rejection…others burn it like fuel. You are in the latter, by far smaller, group.

Some people wallow in excuses and regret…justify their fear of doing anything it takes to fix themselves and their life.

But you decided to learn to manage your emotions, to get past fear and take positive action .

You know that there will always be that weak story you could tell yourself about why you can’t do this. There will always be a reason to procrastinate and wait for some day…

But you also know that this is your time to stop making excuses. It’s your time to break the chains of fear and procrastination.

Until peace, wisdom and happiness become your way of life…you will find that adopting these mantras will keep you strong :

Starting today, I will no longer let fear control my actions, I will take responsibility for my own life .

I will no longer sit in the passenger seat of life…I am taking the wheel.

I will take action and do everything in my power to save myself.

I will look forward, not backward.

I will turn my fears into motivators.

I will make no more excuses.

I will succeed.

I will be happy.

I will be in control.

I WILL BE THE LOVE I WANT TO SEE AROUND ME.