Discover Your Stories And Release Them

I will never again ask you to dwell on anything unpleasant, all it does is keep you stuck exactly where you are now…in your suffering. It keeps the pain raw and stops you being able to move forward.

I am asking you to do this now so you will see how much you’re growing over the next weeks and months.

Please write in your journal all the problems you are experiencing

I have put the word problems in quotes because, soon, you won’t see them as problems.

You have made a very wise and healthy decision to take control of your life. You have chosen to no longer lock yourself into the past and to give yourself the freedom to live your best life.

Now all you need to learn is how….and fortunately it’s much easier than you might think; it’s just a few simple mindset shifts.

Most people feel very strongly, that they need to process problems, in some way, before they can move on. This is probably the way you’ve always dealt with your difficulties, but actually, there is no need to deal with or analyse anything before you can continue with your life; you can easily and comfortably leave them behind you.

It is an absolute game-changer when you realise that you have the power to choose to let go whenever you like.

Make a pact with yourself, right now, to move along with life from now on, to go with its flow, to embrace it, to make this moment a brand new start. You never need to wait till summer, Monday or tomorrow morning, you can do it any second you like…and you can review and renew it any second too. It is always…always a choice.

Life moves forward whether or not you choose to move with it

You only ever have the present moment in which to experience your life, yet you will often find yourself trying to relive, or else escape from, your past, or day-dreaming or dreading your future.

And what happens to your now whilst you do that? It slips away, never, ever to return.

Do you really want to waste this moment by tethering yourself to your yesterdays or tomorrows?

This is a lovely analogy by Travis Lloyd-

In a classroom full of students, a professor asks:

“If you had $86,400.00 and someone stole $10.00 from you, would you:

Throw away the $86,390.00 you still have to try and get your $10.00 back?

Or would you just let it go?”

They all said they would let it go.

Then he told them,

“You have 86,400 seconds every single day.

This time is so much more valuable than money.

You can always work for more money, but once a second passes you can never get it back.

Ever.

Every time someone upsets you, it probably takes 10 seconds, so why do you throw away the other 86,390 seconds worrying about it or being upset?

We all make this mistake.

It is time to start letting the little things go.”

Do you notice that life seems to keep throwing similar challenges at you, over and over again? For instance, you may keep getting jobs that turn out not to be fulfilling or fun. You may find that your friends use you too often. I like this story…

A man was walking along a road, looking for somewhere to move to. He was laden down by his possessions and feeling tired; he hoped to find a nice town soon.

Finally, he saw a group of buildings in the distance and aimed to try there. An old man was walking toward him, so, when he drew close enough, he asked him

“Can you tell me what yonder village is like?” The wise old man considered for a moment whilst he observed the traveller, before asking

“What was the last village you lived in like?” The younger man scowled at the question and exclaimed

“It was awful! It was very boring and full of unpleasant people who lied and moaned.”

“I see.” said the old man sadly “Then I’m afraid you’ll find this village much the same.”

This illustrates that we only see our life from our own perspective and not as the reality we think it is. The wise man knew the traveller would see everything and everyone as unpleasant, as that was his wont.

You may recognise this trait as a characteristic of yours. Most people who are having difficulties, share this attitude, yet find it hard to acknowledge.

In this program, you will get to know and understand yourself well and it will be beautiful and liberating when you see that you don’t need to listen to the ‘everything is horrid’ or ‘woe is me’ stories in your head any more.

There is an expression you will have heard many times…

“Spiraling out of control”

You, no doubt, have felt this happening to you as your control on your life has slipped further and further away.

When life gets difficult, we are less able to deal with it…and it gets worse. We tend to call this ‘a run of bad luck’

People think lots of things are ‘unlucky’ :

Black cats

#13

Walking under ladders

Umbrellas open indoors…..

But is there any logic in this?

Most people know there isn’t…yet still feel scared.

I personally don’t enjoy feeling frightened …so I choose not to believe in bad luck and superstition. YES I said CHOOSE.

I had no idea, a few years ago, that I had any control over my feelings.

They ruled my life.

Stole my happiness.

And very nearly ruined my marriage.

I am forever grateful that I learned I had a choice.

Truly thankful that I was able to turn my whole life around.

My question to you is…

Do you think you are a lucky or unlucky person?

I am going to reveal something very important to you…

Are you ready?

This is it…

whether you think you are lucky or unlucky…

YOU ARE RIGHT

because your life is merely a reflection of your thoughts!

This program will help you have better quality thoughts.

So now, instead of spiraling out of control, choose to start…

Spiraling into control!

Imagine your entire life getting better and better and better….

Through these lessons and exercises I am going to gently…but quickly…share truths and concepts that you will feel more and more deeply, not only each time you consciously revisit them, but also on a deeper level you won’t even be aware of.

This quote exactly sums this up –

“The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths”

Barry H. Gillespie

This is a journey that will never end for us, and I love that about it. I am still experiencing new insights and every part of my life is still improving.

Never stop believing you can be even happier…because that is the only thing that could prevent it from happening.

Have you noticed that some days you think of your family…job…partner…friends…home…entire life and your heart feels full of love for them….and other days you resent their very presence?

Same life, different thought. This proves that thoughts, and the feelings they produce, aren’t fact, aren’t real. They are just your perspective at any given moment…depending on whatever is going on with you.

Your head is full of stories, though you’re not usually aware of them; they’re deep within your sub-conscious rather than conscious mind and may have been there almost all your life .

They are the opinions and judgements you have formed about everything you have ever encountered.

Videos screens

Imagine your mind as a room full of stories…you might like to think of them as video screens, as I do.

I remember returning home often, when my children were in their teens, to find one watching the television and the other playing a video game. I would sometimes get involved in what either or both of them were doing…be interested…make comments…ask questions…

At other times, I would allow the sounds to be background noise and get on with whatever I wanted to do. It was a simple choice.

Whenever I chose to become interested in a game or film, however absorbed in the plot I was, I always knew, of course, that it wasn’t actually real.

When we watch a film, we can very easily, simultaneously understand that it is only acting and the situation isn’t real, and yet get really sucked into the story-line and be affected emotionally by it.

In real-life, though, we aren’t able to do that; we fall hook, line and sinker into our stories, or ‘video screens’. We accept them as fact.

So, when I give you the choice, which I will soon, which of your videos will you choose to watch? All of them? None of them? The happy ones? The sad ones? The exciting ones? The ones that seem the most real or compelling?

Some of them will feel so real it’ll be very hard, at first, for you to believe they aren’t. Please allow yourself to be open to the possibility that however real they feel, they are not, and however much you believe them to be fact, doesn’t make them any more true.

Some of your stories will feel particularly real because ‘everyone’ believes them to be true; these are called cultural norms but are, in fact, no truer. They are just thinking that lots of people have got used to and no longer question.

Your stories will also show up as ‘rules’. Examples ‘I will leave my partner if he doesn’t like all my friends’, ‘It makes me very upset when my friend is seeing another friend’, ‘I am too old to party’.

Once you learn to uncover your stories, in their various guises, it becomes fun. I promise.

It’s absolutely fine whichever of your videos you decide to watch…as long as you understand that it is your choice, and they are just stories…nothing more.

It’s when you believe your stories, when you attach to them, give them a credence they don’t deserve, that you get into difficulty. Every single feeling comfortable or uncomfortable, you ever have, originates in a thought you believe to be real.

Sometimes the thought that initiated the feeling will be obvious, sometimes it won’t. It could just be a little story, or program, if you like, that has been running, maybe since your childhood.

Fortunately, you don’t need to know, concern yourself with, or remember where they originated and that would be a massive and totally unnecessary waste of time; you only have to understand that there was, indeed, a thought that brought them into being.

I don’t want to give you the idea that your thoughts are enemies of any kind, just explain how they work. Your subconscious thoughts do an amazing job at protecting you from unpleasant situations; they save you from walking out in front of a car, they remind you to eat when you are hungry and millions of other essential behind the scenes support. Too often, though, you’ll find that their over helpfulness, paralyses you and stops you from daring to move forward. Your subconscious mind’s job is not to make you happy, but to keep you protected and once you understand that, you’re half way there.

The subconscious is very childlike; it sees everything as black or white with no grey areas. As it will always aim to save you from any possible danger, if it sees any doubt about something’s safety…there is no doubt. It will do everything it can to warn you off that course of action. It is incredibly empowering when you learn you can tell it “Thank you, but it’s okay. I’ve got this.”

List as many of your stories, rules and facts as you can and add to the list as you think of them. Which ones are you struggling with believing aren’t real?

Which ones don’t you yet believe I can help you with?

Next, decide if these rules are deal breakers or not. Are they more important than your happiness? I’m not saying they should or shouldn’t be, I’m asking you to look within, and decide.

Are you prepared to consider the feasibility there may be another way to think?

Could a new rule of yours be, ‘people don’t have to act or react in the way I would like them to, and I don’t need to worry about that’?

Do you see yet that your only limitations are those created by you?

The magic happens when you stop being limited by your or others’ thinking and lean in softly with a willingness to be changed by what you learn. New ideas don’t appear when you’re stuck in your thinking…new ideas appear when you are open to any and all possibilities.

Revisit this exercise regularly to see how much you’re growing and moving forward.

Life changes with the decades; our expectations are very different to those of previous generations. Traditional ideas often don’t work in modern times…especially when those methods have been created from a place of worry.

Some suggestions can be really helpful…but often, only for quick fixes, like sticking a band-aid on. Unfortunately, this won’t stop the underlying factors from rearing their ugly heads.

Just as you have always listened to, and believed, your stories, so have other people.

There is usually a plethora of help and advice available from any friends or relatives you have told about your difficulties, but remember that though very kind, these people are not life coaching experts. Their well-meant help can, not only be counter-productive, but can also conflict with other friends’ advice, making it exceedingly difficult for you to know which way to turn.

You’re on this program because you believe your joy, peace and happiness are too important to lose, too important to leave to chance, too important not to seek expert help with.

Here are a few examples of what you may have heard…and my take on them.

Everyone struggles…put up with it like we all do

Just because this is, sadly, how most people live their lives, doesn’t mean it has to be the case. I absolutely understand why people think there is no other way (I was there) but there most definitely is and now you’re going to discover it.

You have to take the rough with the smooth

I too used to think that it was logical, obvious that if we want happy times, we have to have sad times too. That everything had an opposite and that that was fair. I am now completely capable of choosing to feel all the emotions I enjoy and none of the ones I don’t.

Of course you feel aggrieved, you poor thing

Oh boy! This doesn’t only justify but encourages your pity party! Why would you keep yourself unhappy?!

Women are just crazy, you’ll never understand them.

Women, of course, are not all crazy. Thinking differently is not tantamount to insanity! Generalities don’t tend to be helpful. Rather than buying into unthought-out cultural norms, be open to differences not being synonymous with ‘wrong’.

Men never listen, they’re just stupid.

Men who don’t listen, don’t listen. Men who listen, listen.

Neither of these statements make them stupid in any way.

Women nag the whole time.

‘Nagging’ is another derogatory term that is easier to use than actually looking within yourself at whether there is any truth in their protestation.

We can choose not to listen to these commonly held and often voiced statements. Surely it’s far better if we spend more time looking at ways we can be kinder to both ourselves and others instead of propagating negative ideas.

I remember, before I had my epiphany, if I didn’t often say uncharitable things about people myself, I didn’t exactly disagree when others did…because I didn’t want to upset them or look silly.

Then I realised that these discussions, which so many people have, are not only mean-spirited but also unnecessary. I stopped encouraging unkind conversations and almost immediately the dynamics of all my friendship groups changed…for the better.

It only takes one person to change.

You can be that person.

Instead of grumbling at your friend, daughter, son, partner etc. when they seem a bit grumpy, you could choose to ignore it, remembering they may have had a tough day and actually have far more ‘good’ points than ‘bad’.

Rather than rolling your eyes, you could ask genuinely, how their day was.

I believe that love and compassion are the answer.

To everything.

Always.

I remember feeling anything from grumpy to suicidal…at least half of my time. It was extremely unpleasant, but I didn’t know there was any other option. I thought I was just responding in a natural way…the only way…to challenging people and situations.

I hated it. All I could do was get through it and its aftermath, best I could. It seemed an inevitable, though cruel, side effect, that happily anticipated events were often ruined by my emotions.

So I really do know what it’s like when you’re stuck in a cyclone of negativity….I understand that you don’t believe you have access to any other way to be (and therefore you don’t).

I get that it feels absolutely horrible, lonely and desolate.

You will probably know, on some level, that at least part of this devastation is caused by you…by self sabotage. And this only makes it worse!

You see others around you, getting on happily with their lives…so why can’t you? Other people don’t seem to be eaten up by jealousy, resentment and anger….don’t seem to be consumed by anxiety and insecurities. If you are anything like I was…and most people are…you feel weak and stupid. Your inability to simply let go, and be happy like social media constantly recommends, leaves you feeling useless and empty.

Thank goodness this poor quality thinking will, very soon, be a thing of the past. You will feel in control of yourself and your emotions…you will have a choice.

You will be free.

So how am I going to make this miracle happen?

Well, though you’ll probably expect and want me to, I don’t like to give tools or strategies, because they work fabulously, right up to the moment you need them, when suddenly they’re just not available to you. In an emotional state, you can’t reach the part of your mind in which you stored them.

The very reason for which we think we need these steps and tools, stops us from attaching to them. This quote from Mike Tyson, sums it up well…

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”

But because I think you’ve suffered long enough and I want to help you quickly, I will give you a few methods in this program…BUT only with the understanding that these are just for now, and that you will not need them, moving forward.

You won’t need them because your mind won’t go to those uncomfortable places any more. You will have learned to have a slight, imperceptible, pause between an outside stimulus and your reaction to it; a tiny space which is just big enough for you to choose your response.

This choice will get easier and easier for you, as you practise it. Very soon, a kind and confident reaction will be your natural response to everything.

Always.

How amazing will that be?!

Because you’re very used to reacting in an unhealthy, knee-jerk kind of way…retraining your thoughts may need to be gradual, so that your subconscious mind accepts it as the new way to behave.

So, I’d like you to choose a manageable amount of time…maybe 5 minutes…or until you’ve finished your current task…in which to think only kindly of everything and everybody around you (including yourself).

Keep challenging yourself to make this length of time longer as it gets easier. Allow this to be light-hearted…a game if you like…without judgements or frustration.

The neural networks in your brain are learning new pathways, so be patient…and you will soon reap the rewards.