Do you want to be right or happy?

In my blog post, Resentment is your new best friend, I talked about how we can find out a lot about how our minds work when we catch ourselves being offended by something or somebody, and how we can then get rid of that horrid offended feeling forever. The more times we notice we’re resentful, angry, hurt or anything else we don’t like feeling, the more and more our lives will improve. See why I called it your best friend?!

My life has completely changed since I discovered this…and yours can too.

When we recognise when we have feelings that don’t feel good, about others, we can then find what is really bothering us…it is always something in ourselves. Once we’ve done that….and this is where the magic happens….all we need to do is choose to let our insecurities go; to stop listening to our stories. It really is that simple, we are the ones that make it feel complicated.

It isn’t our brain’s job to make us happy, its job is to keep us alive, to save us from harm…and it does a sterling job. It has been protecting us all our lives by hiding our fears away in our subconscious so we won’t be frightened by them. When we discover the fear that was sitting behind our resentment of others, and realise that it is only a story and was never real, we don’t fear it any more; when we no longer listen to the self talk, we become happy in our own skin; we are peaceful.

This seems far more sensible to me than allowing our brain to continue protecting us because it is worried that we won’t be able to simply throw the pain away, like I have learned we can. It will try its best to keep reminding us of our resentment of something or somebody, alive so that we won’t have to face or deal with it. I have discovered that facing it turns out not to be too bad and dealing with it takes moments…the resentment would have lasted for ever. I know what I would choose.

Holding onto pain

Last week in Living in the now; love this moment, I talked about how we hold onto past pain and sadness because we simply don’t know how to let it go; we are often told that we should fully process and come to terms with something or someone who hurt us before we can properly move on. I believe that holding onto the pain just gives us more pain and ruins our now.

When we decide it’s time to shed the pain or anger we’ve been holding onto, our brain tries to protect us further by keep reminding us that what happened was unfair and that it shouldn’t have happened…and it’s completely correct; it was unfair and it shouldn’t have happened…but it did…and we can choose to carry that with us forever, causing ourselves untold physical and emotional health problems or we can choose to let it go.

In The American dream; I loved my USA holiday…and all my thoughts there, I touched upon the futility of arguing with what is, what we have no control over. We have very little control over anything in the present and we certainly cannot change anything that happened in the past. We can’t ever change anyone else, unless they decide to change, and for me, the healthiest option is to simply let it go. Lose the pain forever and enjoy our life; continuing to drink the poison of a hurtful event can only ever hurt us; the perpetrator isn’t even aware of the poison and is simply carrying on with their life, oblivious.

Ask yourself, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

It doesn’t make any sense to me to have the last word any more, doesn’t seem important to prove myself as the victor…so I choose happiness every time.

This forgiveness and moving forward with our lives works equally well with long past traumas and things that are causing us distress right now.

I am, in no way, advising anyone to be a doormat, to stay in a situation that is abusive or in any other way unhealthy for them; what I am saying is that we have all the resources within us to decide whether we should stay or leave. When we are connected to our place of clarity, our inner wisdom, we will know what is right for us in each moment. I talk more about this in Enjoy the relationships you’ve always dreamed of; the perfect ones.

Just as we say things we don’t mean when we are in an insecure place, so do other people. Whatever hurt us, was said by someone who was fearful and unhappy and not their true, peaceful self. To me, it doesn’t seem the right thing to hold them forever accountable for that or to allow our own suffering to continue.

Next week I’ll be blogging about more being and less doing. Until then, have a great week and let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Love Catherine x

No Comments

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.